It's hard to believe how swiftly time has passed—it's already November 2022, nearly three years since the onset of the pandemic. Here I am, in the midst of my 5th semester at university, and if I'm being honest, I feel somewhat adrift. Last semester was a relentless struggle; my mental state often felt like a turbulent sea, yet somehow, I managed to navigate through and achieve a decent GPA.

I recall the excitement I felt at the beginning of my university journey, eager to take on the responsibilities of higher education and to excel beyond measure. But now, the reality is more sobering. The relentless pressure to perform and to maintain focus is draining. After barely surviving the previous semester, I find myself questioning how long I can sustain this pace.

There are moments when dark thoughts creep in—thoughts that I know aren't healthy. I wonder if I need help, if I deserve help. I compare my struggles to those of others, wondering if I'm being too sensitive or if I simply need to toughen up and push through. It's a constant battle of self-doubt and resilience.

I've shed countless tears, sometimes without reason, finding solace in the release they bring. The emotional turmoil has led me to seek comfort in food, resulting in a weight gain that further burdens my already fragile self-esteem. Yet, despite these challenges, I've become adept at masking my inner turmoil with a facade of confidence. It's a survival mechanism—one that has allowed me to maintain friendships, achieve decent grades, and even experience genuine moments of happiness amid the storm.

Should I continue writing? Perhaps. There's a therapeutic quality to putting these thoughts into words, even if they remain unread. If you've stumbled upon my reflections, hello. I hope life is treating you kindly.

As for me, I find myself seeking refuge in new activities this semester. I've joined my faculty's cultural club and embraced the discipline of Taekwondo. These engagements provide a welcome distraction, offering moments of respite from the relentless mental chatter. It's my way of trying to stay afloat amidst the challenges that threaten to overwhelm me.

In conclusion, while the road ahead may be uncertain and strewn with obstacles, I am determined to navigate it with resilience and courage. Each day brings its own set of challenges and victories, and I am learning to celebrate the small triumphs along the way. Here's to hoping that as I continue to carve my path, I find moments of peace, fulfillment, and the strength to confront whatever lies ahead.