COME ❤
❤ WEL
Wendy William. T
a 21-year-old aspiring industrial chemist of
University Malaysia Sabah, a March Pisces
and a cat lover.
time flies, 3rd year of uni.

Time flies. It's November 2022, the pandemic started almost 3 years ago. Now I'm in my 5th semester of university and honestly, I don't know what I'm doing. Last semester was hell, I was not in my right mental state most of the time but thankfully I managed to pull through and got a decent GPA. 

Time flies. I remember being so excited to start this responsibility of studying further and being an over-achiever. Honestly, it's tiring. I don't know to what extent I am able to stay focused and look forward because I barely made it out alive last time. 

Thoughts. Nasty thoughts about what I want to do to myself sometimes. It's not healthy. I realized that. Do I need help? Am I worthy of help? I feel like there are people out there that are having harder times or am I going soft? Do I need to toughen up and stop complaining like a little baby?

Talking about being a baby. I cried a lot. I cried myself to sleep a lot. Sometimes I just don't have a reason. I just do sometimes. Is it weird? I eat a lot too. I gained some weight. My self-esteem has steeped so low but I am good at faking the confidence, keeping the act of not giving-a-fuck. You know what? Maybe I should continue faking it. Look where am I now because of it. I have friends, I have decent grades and sometimes I smile and laugh a lot too, sometimes I am genuinely happy.

Do you think I should write often? the reason why I write the most notorious thoughts that I probably should not put out on the Internet is that nobody's gonna read this anyways but if somehow you found yourself on my page and reading this, HELLO. I hope everything's going well for you.

Is everything's going well for me? I could say that, probably. I found myself about to be occupied with a lot of things this semester, I joined my faculty's cultural club, I joined the Taekwondo club and I am still looking for things to do. Just to keep me off the nasty thoughts, do you know what I mean?

I'll write more soon? Hopefully. Thank you for spending time with me. 

Wholeheartedly,

Wendy.

First month as a sophomore in UMS.

 



Hi. How is everybody holding up? I hope everybody is having a great day so far. 

As a student here at University Malaysia Sabah, in the second year, I am doing amazing. The subjects this semester are quite a pain in the ass but honestly, I am not mad. I am getting really good at time management, I revise here and there, I socialize, I eat good, I do morning walks once or twice a week, and overall, I am doing amazing.

I am so blessed to have amazing people around me. My friends from college are my friends here at university. They have been supportive and we are pushing each other to become better. I am so blessed to have a family that is so loving and whenever I crave something, my mom cooks it, they would contact me every day, ask how am I coping with my studies. And when things are not as good as I hope they would be, I would just say "I am doing great, no worries". I know I probably should let it all out but I know I can get past the hardships, in a way manifesting that everything is gonna be okay. Everything IS gonna be okay.

My lab sessions are gonna start in mid-November, I am terrified. I am terrified in the sense of I am going to be talking to new people and that is something that I am so bad at doing, now. I used to be a people's person, I loved to be around people but as time passes and as I grow older, I feel like I don't have to be around people all the time, I should take some time for myself, and just really learn not to be dependent to other people.

I love making timelapse while I study. That way, I can rewatch the video and I get to say that "I did great". I love the feeling of feeling fulfilled, the satisfaction from that alone can make me sleep well at night. 

I feel so motivated than before. I feel the most motivated I have ever been in a very, very long time. I am the happiest I have ever been in a very, very long time. I care the most about my studies, I am so focused on being good at the stuff that I am doing and that is something that I seek this whole time. And now, it's here.

The first month here has been a great time. I love every second I spent here. And on that note, thank you for your time.  Visit again soon, 

Love, Wendy.